Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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