And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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