im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
