I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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