i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
