I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
