he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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