we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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