I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
