Already got asked if we're dating
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
