What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You ruined the universe
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
