I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
