i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
