Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
