At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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