Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
