Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
