dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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