you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
