We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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