i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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