Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
