He had one of those small greek statue penises
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize