the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
