new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
