people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
