do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my sisters under your porch take her home
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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