I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize