Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
