Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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