Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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