just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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