take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
