I've blown a few things in my day
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
