I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
