good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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