I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just threw up on my dentist
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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