guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Someone shattered a urinal.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
