A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
