so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
