We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just had sex bonerless
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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