just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
