I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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