textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
