So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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