honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
