What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
