she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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