okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
