so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
