i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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