We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
