I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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