this beer tastes like vomit already
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
