woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
