Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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