Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
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I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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