thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
