There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
