drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
