i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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