when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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