South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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