Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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