I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
