Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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