So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
