I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
