My underwear smells like fireworks.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
