Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
